Category Archives: drunkenness

Bring on the burqa

No one, writes Dalrymple,

who has been to the centre of Newcastle on a Saturday night can fail to appreciate certain advantages to the burqa.

 

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Guilty of supreme sordor

The Ched Evans affair was, writes Dalrymple,

emblematic of a prevalent aspect of contemporary British culture. No one who has gone down the main street of a British town at midnight on Friday could really have been much surprised by the incident.

The case illustrates

the sub-Gomorrah nature of many contemporary British enjoyments, in which women participate as enthusiastically as men. Evans has acknowledged that his behaviour was bad, though (perhaps understandably) without recognition of how disgusting it was. But it would be implausible to say that the conduct of the alleged victim was on an altogether different and higher moral plane from his.

Unfit to fly

Dalrymple writes: 'I know of no other country in which such a warning notice at an airport is necessary. It is not unusual in British airports, especially provincial ones, to see rowdy men drinking pint after pint of beer at seven in the morning. There are said to be bars in Europe that display “No English” notices. One can’t blame them. Returning home after their drunken routs abroad, they (and foreigners) are greeted with notices at immigration that abuse of or assaults on immigration officers are taken extremely seriously. Taxis from English provincial airports inform passengers that they will be charged a fee for cleaning up any vomit they leave behind. Welcome to England.'

Dalrymple writes: ‘I know of no other country in which such a warning notice at an airport is necessary. It is not unusual in British airports, especially provincial ones, to see rowdy men drinking pint after pint of beer at seven in the morning. There are said to be bars in Europe that display “No English” notices. One can’t blame them. Returning home after their drunken routs abroad, they (and foreigners) are greeted with notices at immigration that abuse of or assaults on immigration officers are taken extremely seriously. Taxis from English provincial airports inform passengers that they will be charged a fee for cleaning up any vomit they leave behind. Welcome to England.’

The white peril

Screen Shot 2016-06-12 at 11.49.13England football fans

It is association football time yet again, says Dalrymple, and

apparently it is to last several weeks — though probably not for England, who are not usually very good and can be relied upon to put in a poor performance and exit at the early stages of any competition.

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Rei (wisdom of God). Ki (life force). Available on the NHS for repatriate England supporters who are experiencing post-riot trauma, reiki promotes healing of wounds sustained at the hands of Russian or other fans. It is administered by laying latex-gloved-hands on the beer belly, and is based on the idea that an unseen life force flows through the England fan and is what causes him to be alive. If the football supporter’s life force is low, he is more likely to feel stress, with violent consequences

Tattooed, beer-bellied, ugly, sunburnt and drunken England fans have, he reports, been rioting in Marseilles,

a city not much given to sentimentality when it comes to the treatment of the ill-behaved.

The French police, Dalrymple notes,

had helmets, an open invitation to violence.

He says the trauma for the England fans is such that they may require reiki therapy.

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A not altogether despicable garment

The point Dalrymple is making can be readily appreciated after a visit to any town centre in England after nightfall on weekends

No one, writes Dalrymple,

who has been to the centre of Newcastle on a Saturday night can fail to appreciate certain advantages to the burqa.

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White-puddingy thighs exposed to the freezing winds of two or three in the morning


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Lashed


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Smashed


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Bladdered


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Wasted


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Hammered


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Legless


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Rat-arsed


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Alcohol-induced amnesia: evidence that one must have had a good time

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Vomiting consequent upon severe inebriation is viewed by young Britons as psychotherapeutically beneficial

Vomiting consequent upon severe inebriation viewed as psychotherapeutically beneficial


British youth culture: vomiting is self-expression

British youth culture: vomiting as self-expression

The English then and now

Screen Shot 2015-12-21 at 09.00.33Once, writes Dalrymple, the qualities of the English population included

  • cool and ironic detachment from its own experience, that permitted it to face adversity with great good humour and modesty rather than by resort to histrionics
  • a polite restraint that was a precondition of depth of character. This restraint seemed to me heroic in an undemonstrative way; it was also the guarantor of an implicit subtlety

Today the chief characteristics of the English, Dalrymple points out, are

  • militant vulgarity
  • lack of restraint
  • arrogant loudness
  • ferocious and determined drunkenness
  • antisocial egotism
  • aggression and quick resort to violence
  • grossness of appetites
  • prideful ugliness of appearance
  • lack of finesse in any department of human existence

Miseries annexed to a vicious course of life

Screen Shot 2015-09-18 at 09.14.15Dalrymple writes:

Not so long ago, I was asked by a newspaper to write an article denouncing the second liver transplant given to a late drunken footballer.

He declined.

How the British are manumitted

Screen Shot 2015-07-14 at 23.17.38The attitude of mass-circulation British newspapers to vulgarity tends to be ambivalent, writes Dalrymple.

In theory, they are against it. In practice, they do much to advance vulgarity’s cause.

As vulgarity correspondent for one of these papers, Dalrymple is sent to the Spanish island of Ibiza, where he witnesses

nightly drunken Saturnalias on the beaches and in the streets.

The British holidaymakers there are

proud of their disgusting behaviour, exhibitionistic of it.

He notes that one of the nightclubs is called Manumission, and asks what kind of slavery it is from which those who enter seek release. Perhaps it is

  • the slavery of having to earn a living, often in a capacity below that which their education had led them to expect or hope for
  • the slavery of social convention (though, acting in crowds, they are deeply conventional people)
  • the slavery of consciousness, the sheer inescapability of thought

Another nightclub is called Amnesia. Dalrymple says:

If I were opening a new nightclub in Ibiza in competition with Amnesia, I would call it Anæsthesia.

Drunken retching as self-realisation

Screen Shot 2015-07-03 at 08.15.24The British, Dalrymple points out, are

despised throughout the world wherever they congregate in any numbers.

In any English town on any night of the week you will see

scenes of charmless vulgarity, in which thousands of scantily clad, lumpen sluts scream drunkenly, and men vomit proudly in the gutters.

It has been suggested that the English might be able to develop civilised Mediterranean café culture. Dalrymple remarks:

You might as well preach the comforts of the igloo and the tastiness of whale blubber to the Maasai.

Much of the British population believes

not only that it has no duty to control itself, but that it is harmful to try to do so. It believes that screaming, smashing bottles, vomiting, urinating against walls in full view of others, swaying drunkenly in the gutter, and hailing strangers to give them lifts, are essential to its health and emotional wellbeing, that drinking in this fashion is Aristotelian catharsis.

For the English,

there can be no higher accolade for a night out than that no trace of it remains in the brain. ‘Getting wasted’ and then behaving antisocially before passing out is the pinnacle of social life.

Just as the British government is so corrupt that it does not know that it is corrupt, so the British people

are so lacking in self-respect that they do not know that self-respect is desirable.

In England, drunkenness

to the point of brutish amnesia is regarded as admirable, a high achievement.

Boozehounds should bring themselves to heel

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The sublime pink elephant: Dalrymple describes Belgian beer, accurately, as nectar, and one of the best examples of the strong pale ale style is Delirium Tremens (8.5% ABV) from Brouwerij Huyghe in the East Flanders town of Melle. ‘Kleur en uitzicht: bleek blond, de fijne en regelmatige pareling zorgt voor een fijne, stabiele schuimkraag. Geur: Licht moutig, flinke touch alcohol, kruiderig. Smaak: Een flinke scheut alcohol ontvlamt als het ware in de mond, die de tong en het gehemelte werkelijk opwarmen. De smaak is ook gekenmerkt door zijn rondheid. De afdronk is sterk, lang en droogbitter.’

Binge-drinking is not a fate but a vice, albeit a delightful one

Inebriates can easily, writes Dalrymple,

control their drinking, if motives—including fear—are strong enough.

Among the things that encourage sobriety are

fright

and

the hospital experience.

The problem of compulsive, chronic, unbridled and joyless dipsomania

lies in the psychological, spiritual, and moral realm.

Pull yourselves together!

Inebriates possess

the freedom to resist it, unlike an impersonal force such as gravity.

They should get a hold of themselves.

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