Category Archives: England (association football team)

England lost. What a relief

Dalrymple writes that he was

much relieved when Eng­land lost in the World Cup. They can usually be relied upon to lose, of course, so it was no great surprise. And as Shakespeare would have put it had they won, hark what discord follows!

A people

already given to riotous public drunkenness would have been uncontrollable — and would have taken pride in their debauchery. In Eng­land, people don’t just get drunk: they get drunk with pride.

Thank God!

England fans should be turned back at the border

England 1 Iceland 2

England 1 Iceland 2

Dalrymple was pleased when Portugal won the European Cup. He writes:

I would have preferred it to be Liechtenstein or San Marino, or best of all Vatican City. But at least Portugal is not a large country.

He says that as a patriotic Englishman, he was

delighted when Iceland defeated England. Everyone likes an underdog.

Moreover,

anything that humiliates, crushes mentally, and causes misery to the beer-bellied, shaven-headed, and tattooed English football supporters is a blow for civilisation. If there are more unattractive people in the world than these supporters I do not know them. If we lived in a sensible world, such people would be on sight automatically denied entry to all foreign countries.

Overpaid fairies of the England football team

Dalrymple writes: 'I see from the St George’s flags fluttering from the side-windows of cars that it is football-time again — yet again. Apparently it is to last several weeks, though probably not for England who are not usually very good and can be relied upon to put in a poor performance and exit at the early stages of any competition.'

England 1 Iceland 2 Dalrymple writes: ‘I see from the St George’s flags fluttering from the side-windows of cars that it is football-time again — yet again. Apparently it is to last several weeks, though probably not for England who are not usually very good and can be relied upon to put in a poor performance and exit at the early stages of any competition.’

The white peril

Screen Shot 2016-06-12 at 11.49.13England football fans

It is association football time yet again, says Dalrymple, and

apparently it is to last several weeks — though probably not for England, who are not usually very good and can be relied upon to put in a poor performance and exit at the early stages of any competition.

Screen Shot 2016-06-12 at 11.55.54

Rei (wisdom of God). Ki (life force). Available on the NHS for repatriate England supporters who are experiencing post-riot trauma, reiki promotes healing of wounds sustained at the hands of Russian or other fans. It is administered by laying latex-gloved-hands on the beer belly, and is based on the idea that an unseen life force flows through the England fan and is what causes him to be alive. If the football supporter’s life force is low, he is more likely to feel stress, with violent consequences

Tattooed, beer-bellied, ugly, sunburnt and drunken England fans have, he reports, been rioting in Marseilles,

a city not much given to sentimentality when it comes to the treatment of the ill-behaved.

The French police, Dalrymple notes,

had helmets, an open invitation to violence.

He says the trauma for the England fans is such that they may require reiki therapy.

Screen Shot 2016-06-12 at 12.26.15Screen Shot 2016-06-12 at 12.27.24ff

Sepp’s services to the UK

Middlesbrough, Yorkshire, England

Middlesbrough

Sepp Blatter, president of the Fédération internationale de football association, has stated that certain allegations that have been levelled against him are, Dalrymple reports, nothing more than

an Anglo-Saxon plot to avenge the choice of venues for the next World Cups over which he presided.

And, writes Dalrymple,

I rather suspect that he might be right.

The Frontline: this 2003 account of the noted Middlesbrough football-hooligan gang is by a former member

The white peril: this 2003 account of the noted Middlesbrough football-hooligan gang is by a former member

The obloquy that Blatter has been subjected to is unmerited. To the contrary, says Dalrymple; Blatter should be

recommended for an honorary knighthood.

Why? Because he had the good sense to pass over England’s candidature to host one of those cups.

It’s bad enough when they take place abroad; think of the national humiliation if matches had to be held in Stoke or Middlesbrough, so that foreigners would be able, indeed forced, to see what England is really like.

Stoke-on-Trent

Stoke-on-Trent

 

The grossly overpaid tattooed thugs who play for England

Losers — and fuckin' proud of it!

Idle, gutless losers — and fuckin’ proud of it!

They have demonstrated themselves to be duds — utter flops. Despite their riches, their phalanxes of media supporters and their cretinous ‘fans’ (who accorded them a standing ovation after the side’s worst ever World Cup performance), they simply aren’t any good at all, says Dalrymple,

at what they do, which is hardly surprising in view of contemporary British culture.