Category Archives: soft drinks

Sweetened drinks are an æsthetic abomination

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 07.44.34Their consumption, writes Dalrymple, is

consequent upon a mass outbreak of childishness. I want people to suffer ill-effects from their bad taste.

Micronesian pioneers of the diabetogenic diet

Dalrymple pays a visit to Nauru, where half the population has type 2 diabetes. Thanks to phosphate rock,

from a life of subsistence on fish and coconuts they went straight to being millionaires. They abandoned their traditional diet and started to eat, on average, 7,000 calories per day. They liked sweet drinks and consumed Fanta by the case-load. For those who liked alcohol as well there was Château d’Yquem. They were unique in the world in being both rich and having a short life expectancy.

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 07.55.12Type 2 diabetes is

a threat to public health that dwarfs Ebola virus in scale, but kills slowly and undramatically, rather by stealth than by coups de théâtre. No one ever walked around in spacesuits because there was a type 2 diabetic on the ward.

Mass-produced muck

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Splendidly titled

To an infantilised people, it has a strong appeal

Dalrymple detests soft drinks and

the plastic bottles in which they come; to see people carry them around with them as if they were dolls infuriates me.

These drinks, he points out,

don’t relieve thirst, they create it: a perfect recipe from an unscrupulous commercial point of view.

Dalrymple is delighted to read in a paper in the British Medical Journal

that those who drink these disgusting concoctions are more likely than others to develop type 2 diabetes. Such diabetes is not only the wages of sin—gluttony—but of something that affects our everyday lives even worse, namely mass bad taste.

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Abominably written

The peoples of the US and Britain,

having no proper culinary tradition, are childishly attracted to mass-produced muck. Only in such countries could you sell industrially prepared doughnuts with blue icing; people eat with their eyes, not with their mouths.

In what kind of culinary culture, Dalrymple asks, could a product advertise itself as a Whopper? A crude and childish one, he answers. More self-control in food consumption is needed than ever before,

just as self-control has been derided as an oppressive or even ridiculous notion.

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Only for the US and UK markets

Dalrymple comes across a book called Fat Chance (2013), which, though

abominably written,

comes,

persuasively enough, to the conclusion that John Yudkin came to in the neglected, splendidly titled Pure, White and Deadly (1972).

Dalrymple notes that the author of the 2013 book, Robert Lustig, blames

the food companies and farming subsidies for the epidemic of type 2 diabetes (they are, of course, guilty as charged), but never the people. This is because it is regarded as proper to blame only the rich for anything and never ‘ordinary’ people, including the fat, though where the sins of the rich come from then becomes a little mysterious unless it is assumed that they are a caste biologically apart from the rest of humanity.

Screen Shot 2015-07-25 at 08.21.09As for those who swear by organic carrots and the like, this is only because

in Anglo-Saxon countries, meals tend to be regarded as medical procedures. If it were proved that industrial doughnuts with blue icing were the very thing for health, queues of joggers would form to obtain them.

Dalrymple urges that it be made a criminal offence to take a child to a fast-food restaurant.

If someone were to tell me that children love those restaurants, I should reply, ‘But that is precisely why it should be a criminal offence.’

Dalrymple Public and Reserve Gardens Regulations

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The Dalrympian Eden

The following are strictly prohibited in the gardens:

  • chewing-gum
  • canned drinks
  • jeans
  • basketball
  • skateboards
  • baseball caps*
  • tattoos
  • piercings
  • pasteurised cheese
  • coffee in plastic containers
  • the wearing of suits without ties
  • televisual apparatus, however portable or compact
  • mobile-telephonic apparatus, or any kind of associated prosthesis
  • littering
  • burqa (except for young Englishwomen on Friday and Saturday nights; they will not be admitted to the gardens unless clad in one — the garment has certain advantages)
  • celebrity magazines
  • audible use of the word chair for chairman
  • conversations about association football
  • headphones (the tish-ter-tish that emanates from the user’s supposedly private little world is highly irritating)
  • conversations about the Olympic Games
  • ‘rock’ or other forms of popular so-called music, also the nodding of heads in time to the ‘music’ in the manner of the fatuous nodding dogs in the back windows of cars
  • eating, especially the consumption of ‘fast food’

Thank you for your co-operation.

* Baseball caps, Dalrymple points out, ‘have the effect of making the intelligent look average and the average moronic. Can anyone look intelligent or dignified in a baseball cap?’ They are ‘inelegant at best and hideous at worst’. People wear them in restaurants, ‘which is uncouth and crass, and is a habit that I would like to see suppressed with the full vigour of the law.’